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@Midgetspar: It takes two months to get fat and two years to get in shape.
Science is a lie.
@bazecraze: I see you're busy. I'll come back and ruin your free time.
@DaddyJew: Boss: Read me one of your funny tweets
Me: Not right now I'm working
Boss: Bahahahaha tell me another one
@HuajatollaChic: At least dogs look at you when you're talking with them as if to say, hell yeah I'd talk to you, but I'm a dog.
@theroyaltramp: IT'S OFFENSIVE WHEN YOU PEOPLE ARE GENUINELY SURPRISED TO LEARN I'M A VERY NICE PERSON.
@JTQuest: Men think of arguments as single isolated events. Women, in my experience, think of them as installments in some sort of perpetual continuum