@dvidsilva

It was obvious from the camera angle it was AMC killing it’s viewers. #TWDfinale

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@joeldanger

My grandparents worked hard to make sure their kids had everything and I’m working hard and not having kids to make sure I keep everything.

@batkaren

KID: *falls out of tree* I’m fine
ADULT: *sleeps on neck a little strangely* I have to turn my whole body to look at you for the next week

@3sunzzz

H: The house is empty, why don’t you go and slip into something more comfortable?

Me: great idea *comes back wearing fuzzy penguin pajamas*

@PleaseBeGneiss

Waiter: *sets down check*

Me: my treat

Her: thank you so much

Me: *grabbing mint on check* for what

@david8hughes

[sees a dog about to get run over]
Me [dives toward dog & rolls to safety]: that was close
[sees a cat about to get run over]
Me: car coming

@amydillon

“What state are we in now?”

-kids, 5 minutes into a 15-hour road trip

@DirtMcTurd

[watching Game of Thrones] last week was great, I paid attention to everything!

TV: last week on GoT..

Me: when the hell did that happen?!

@brynnester

Bank Robber: EVERYONE STAY STILL & RAISE YOUR HANDS
Me: How can we ‘stay still’ & also raise our hands?
Other Bank Robber: He’s right Colin

@jonnysun

*being wrestled away from mall santa by security* u hav TWO WEEKS until deadline and ur out here doing PHOTO OPS?! WHOS DOINGE THE REAL WORK