ATMs be having $4 withdrawal fees talking about “cover your pin” mf you the thief🙄😂
It was obvious from the camera angle it was AMC killing it’s viewers. #TWDfinale
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[at the gun store]
Me: I’ll take that gun & a box of ammo
Clerk: that’ll be $250
Me [with a gun & a box of ammo]: no
Cashier: That will be $82.07.
Me: I’d like to use my 8 trillion rewards points towards this.
Cashier: That will be $82.03.
When the KFC chicken grease starts haunting your arteries its called Poultry Geist.
I wonder how many animals we had to ride before we discovered that horses were cool with it.
If you’re walking by an abandoned bookstore & the front door opens for no reason, go into that bookstore.
*walks into shrink’s office with a giant jar of marbles
I FOUND THEM!!
HIM: And a trillion dollars.
GENIE: Alright, cool, that’s your last wish.
HIM: Haha, thanks! Too bad wishing for infinite wishes isn’t allowed.
GENIE: Why wouldn’t that be allowed?
HIM: It’s… it’s one of the rules.
GENIE: I’ve literally never heard that.
[hanging Vanilla Ice from a balcony by his ankles]
Vanilla Ice: “dont drop me! ill give you anything! ill sign my royalties over to-”
me: “royalties? i just want more raps about ninja turtles”
Coworker: Good morning
Me (suddenly realizing this is my first interaction of the day): How are go?