@nice_mustard: it was the busta rhymes, it was the wursta rhymes
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@Paxochka: Now that Steve Jobs is gone we'll never ever know why c**t autocorrects to Cynthia. WHO WAS CYNTHIA?!?
@david8hughes: [sees old friend after 4 years] "God, you were so fat back in school." "Yeah, well I lost a lot of it last year." "No you didn't."
@better_off_dad: Not to brag... ... but practically all of my arrest warrants are considered ‘outstanding’.
@Mr_Kapowski: Watched an old man pay in all quarters and my only thought was "he must keep all the money he pulls from behind kid's ears"