@DBMaxP: It's a good thing I'm off for a vacation soon. It took me 15 minutes of her talking about her Volvo before I realized she meant her car
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@jake_likes_naps: [at bar] Gee, I'm so hungry I could eat a horse *nearby horse slams down his whisky* COME ON THEN TOUGH GUY *horse throws the 1st punch*
@squirrel74wkgn: Moth 1: Such a great day for flying Moth 2: No wind at all...perfect Moth 1: Where should be go? Moth 2: We cou- [semi-truck drives by] Moth 1 (looking around): Hello? Stan?
@david8hughes: The carwash is a great place to meet other millionaires who for some reason don't have garden hoses.
@AmnesiaRose: My alarm is set to the sound of a heart monitor's flatline so I startle awake every morning and think, "whew. Close call."