@RadReboundRxn

It’s actually Dr. whatever

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@lisaxy424

Based on how he reacts, you’d think my dog’s entire family was killed by pizza delivery guys.

@EndhooS

Scientist: we’ve finally taught a dog Morse Code

Dog: [taps paw]

Me: what did it say?

Scientist: “woof”

@hazelmotes1

If my son’s science project is to see how annoying he can be before I kill him then he’s almost done.

@BastardProphet

90% of parenting, is saying different variations of “We don’t eat waffles with our feet”.

@murrman5

[sees wife getting changed after work] you should leave them high heels on
“ohhh yeah?”
[thinking about the spider on the bathroom ceiling] yeah

@shariv67

I am starving and horny. This cucumber is going in me one way or another.

@EwdatsGROSS

Boys who wear sports jerseys are just cosplaying athletes but no one is ready to have that conversation yet.