@Book_Krazy: It's all fun and games until a metal flask falls out of your car in the church parking lot.
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@fro_vo: Mulder: someone in this room is an alien Scully: look for anything out of the ordinary Me: *drinking hot orange juice* like what
@jordan_stratton: According to commercials, a woman's primary goal in life is to lock in moisture.
@GrantTanaka: Mom: I HEARD UR SICK Me: just a cold Mom: U HAVE THE ZIKA M: no I- Mom: OH GOD IT'S ZIKA M: mom- Mom: I TRIED TO RAISE U RIGHT M: wait, what
@WilliamAder: Doctor: Have you quit smoking yet? Me: Has there been a string of unsolved murders in the news? Doctor: No. Me: Then, no, I haven't.