Remember in Mario Kart when you thought you were in first place? Then realized you were looking at the wrong screen and crashing into walls and shit..
It’s always the Great Wall of China, but I feel bad for all the other walls in China. They’re like
“Hey i’m a pretty good wall too.”
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Have you ever considered letting your wife sleep with a marriage counselor?
– me as a marriage counselor
Cashier: No, thank YOU
Me: …if this is a thank you-off, you better buckle the hell up
[if my brain were a computer]
uhg why’s the calculator app being so slow
*closes math tab to reveal 53 other tabs all playing cottoneye joe*
so ur trying to tell me a buffalo chicken made this dip
My dog crosses her paws regally while lying on the floor, like she didn’t just eat the contents of the bathroom trash can.
I like to use the Ouija board to pester my dead husbands.
Me in email:
thanks for this. Thank you for responding. Thank you for acknowledging that I wrote. Sorry I can’t do the thing but thanks for asking. Thanks for thinking of me. Thank you for thinking at all. Sorry to bother you since you didn’t reply. Thanks again.
If you have your Twitter account linked to Facebook I don’t think you understand what it is we do here.