@ChambersFineArt

It’s an epidemic…

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@BubblesnBooze

I just found a human tooth and a pair of underwear in my purse. I might be a serial killer or I might be a mom, you’ll never know.

@hermanntrude

It’s called quiche because “egg pie” sounds like something you’d look up on urban dictionary.

@TheMichaelRock

Now that oil is so cheap, we should start drilling for black printer ink.

@karanbirtinna

I have some bad news. I was experiencing some symptoms and got myself checked. It’s as I feared.

I tested positive for being brown.

@somelightcrying

I’m a businessman so I tuck my shirt in. There’s a lot of money on the line so I need you to know that this is roughly where my legs start.

@dumbbeezie

My doctor is always whispering to me something about not sticking Q tips in my ears. I need a louder doctor

@Ristolable

If you name a baby Barbara, the baby turns 50 years old immediately.

@WilliamRodgers

“We need something strong and durable to protect cellphones from damage”

LG: Plastic?

Samsung: Metal?

iPhone 8: What about Glass?

@BlindVigil

If I lived in Alabama, I’d name my daughter, ‘Banjo-lina”.