
TEEN 1: Church is so boring.
TEEN 2: It’s so out of touch.
THE YOUNG POPE approaches pulpit: “Some…BODY once told me–”
TEENS: HOLY SHIT
TEEN 1: Church is so boring.
TEEN 2: It’s so out of touch.
THE YOUNG POPE approaches pulpit: “Some…BODY once told me–”
TEENS: HOLY SHIT
Bank robber: This is a robbery! Nobody do anything stupid!
My wife slowly turns to face me and mouths: You are gonna die
I write vampire jokes but they never see the light of day.
HEY GRAPEFRUIT, know what else is a grape AND a fruit? GRAPES. yeah. so get your own name you citrus idiot
Everyone “I learned a lesson ”
Me: “Imma do it again!”
My husband asked what Vine was while reading a BOOK. Hahaha 1910 called, it wants its intellect strengthening form of entertainment back!
i bet when fish see it’s raining they’re like “oh cool a refill”
If you listened to your heart please speak to a doctor cause it’s isn’t normal for a piece of meat to be speaking to you
Accidentally took an adderall instead of an anti-depressant now I’m SUPER focused on my depression.
I saw the best minds of my generation rattling in pickle jars in formaldehyde as the cops beat down the door into my basement.