I just found a human tooth and a pair of underwear in my purse. I might be a serial killer or I might be a mom, you’ll never know.
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It’s called quiche because “egg pie” sounds like something you’d look up on urban dictionary.
Now that oil is so cheap, we should start drilling for black printer ink.
Who needs fireworks when I have aluminum foil and a microwave?
I have some bad news. I was experiencing some symptoms and got myself checked. It’s as I feared.
I tested positive for being brown.
I’m a businessman so I tuck my shirt in. There’s a lot of money on the line so I need you to know that this is roughly where my legs start.
My doctor is always whispering to me something about not sticking Q tips in my ears. I need a louder doctor
If you name a baby Barbara, the baby turns 50 years old immediately.
“We need something strong and durable to protect cellphones from damage”
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If I lived in Alabama, I’d name my daughter, ‘Banjo-lina”.