Apple Computer is taking steps to
protect user privacy.
Their new policy is iWon’t tell…iPromise
It’s been 6 months since I joined the gym and no progress. I’m going there in person tomorrow to see what’s really going on.
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“O honey, it looks like you got your period last night. I guess well need to get new shee- wait! Wait one minute!” ~ Japanese flag designer
I hate spitting so much. In “Titanic” when Jack and Rose spit at the sea, I was done. They got what they deserved. The sea did what it had to do.
Victoria’s Secret, how may I help you?
Me: Yeah, um, I ordered the girl on page nine, but you guys only sent me her underpants?
[tells friend cat passed away]
Is there anything I can do?
Yes [holds up fur coat] put this on & lie in my lap
I am not paying for a full year membership at the Y when I only need the pool long enough to hold one hamster Viking funeral.
Dr: You’ve gained some weight
Me: You said I should take it easy
Dr: That was a yr ago & you were sick
Me: WELL I’M NOT A MIND READER
What’s the name of that movie with that actor in which the guy does that thing with that other thing in that place during that time?
Sometimes I ponder over things like,
-What is life?
-Where am I going?
-What the hell is a “spokes” person for a bike company called?
ASTRONAUT: An alien!
MISSION CONTROL: Ok, so
A: I choke slammed it
A: Another one!
MC: DO NOT CH
A: [choke slam noises]