I wear the same outfit for 3 days but when I’m going away for 3 days I pack enough clothes for 7 days just in case my personality completely changes while I’m gone.
It’s bullshit that dogs get their own heaven but we humans have to go to the same heaven as moths and tractors
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Wu-Tang is my favorite 15 person rap group and reaction to a beverage.
Thomas Jefferson’s dad’s name was Thomas Jefferdad. Really makes you think
If listening to a 30 minute explanation of a 5 minute YouTube clip sounds fun, parenting may be right for you.
Easiest way to break into a moble home in a trailer park is to use a can opener.
When my dog poops in the yard, no one cares. When I do it, I’m “drunk” and “bringing down property values” and my neighbor is “calling the cops”
(Seductively stripping out of clothes)
Gynecologist: Please stop that.
Loan debt forgiveness is a state of mind.
I forgave myself for borrowing that much, and I am now healed. I hope my loan servicers stop living in the past.
I just died ????????????????????
I’m happier now that I’ve changed from coffee to orange juice in the mornings.
My doctor explained it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars but I really think it’s the vodka.