To use Google efficiently, write like Tarzan. “good tacos boston”
It’s called crossfit because you’re really mad that you’re doing it
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Are all NASCAR fans fat with goatee’s or is that just the women?
People who write hai and bai, wai?
You’re the unreachable booger of people.
I didn’t hit him with my car…
I massaged him with my wheels.
So UBER is not a dating app?
I kinda thought all those ‘Goodbye’ kisses seemed more awkward than usual.
me: “what is a librarian’s favourite food?”
me: “SHUSHI lmao”
dog: [starts putting his toys in suitcase]
What does a robot do during a one night stand?
He nuts and bolts
Hey, Sean Bean, it’s either pronounced Shaun Baun or Seen Bean. You can’t have it both ways.
WIFE: Shouldn’t you be at work?
ME: I took care of it.
BOSS: [to the cardboard cutout of Shaq with my face glued on it]
Nice work today.