It’s called support maybe you’ve heard of I.T.
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her: I’m leaving you
me: because I like scooby doo?
her: you’re obsessed
me: *pulling her hair trying to take off her mask* you won’t get away with this
Sad thing is, they probably never even gave it a chance
I’m just a lawyer, standing in front of a Judge, trying to make him understand that stopping for coffee was a necessity and I should not be held in contempt for being late.
Whoever decided to use pantyhose as a bank robbing disguise must have had one hell of a speech to convince his buds to follow along.
Him: “So, what made you agree to this blind date?”
Me: “I really need to feel something inside me other than my demons.”
Him: “Wait, wh-?”
My demon: “Shush! Let her finish. Can you believe this guy?”
Me: “I know, right?”
Is there such a thing as filthy clean? Let’s take a shower together and find out.
The directions say take two of the One a Day vitamins and that’s why nothing makes sense in this world.
ME: *dumps pile of misshapen swans on counter*
CLERK: What is that?
ME: “Origami for Dummies.” I want to return it.