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@GrillinChillin9: It's complicated.
-My response when someone asks if they can have one of my beers.
@heatherlou_: Google just alerted me to light traffic in my area which is odd because I'm in the bathtub.
@: Waiter: would you like to hear our lunch specials?
Me: uh no. I'd like to eat them--
Waiter, choking me out: I. have. had. enough.
me, gasping: ᴵ. ᴴᵃᵛᵉⁿ'ᵗ. ᴴᵃᵈ. ᴬⁿʸ.
@Sean_Burgundy_: When I'm bored I like to call in sick to places I don't work for. I'm getting written up at Home Depot
@CheetoBandito77: *turns on shower*
*checks TL real quick*
*floods the entire neighborhood*
@StillOnTheMoors: Me: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the ...
Mirror: Comb your hair.