*Hands waiter menu back at a fancy restaurant* I don’t know what any of this is and I’m scared
It’s confusing for me too, but I don’t need your money so you’re going to have to be a nice guy if this is going to work out.
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Feed me pieces of baguette by the park bench like one of your French squirrels.
[Staring at bedroom ceiling]
Her:Don’t worry. It happens to every guy
Me:Not to me it doesn’t!
*resumes trying to unscrew lid from pasta jar
Castro: I will not die until America is destroyed
Trump: I’m gonna be the president
Castro: well then
Me: Oh hey I should watch this movie
Netflix: Actually you watched 27 minutes of it 3 years ago so you’ll probably want to pick up where you left off
dark lord: FINALLY! EARTH’S TREASURES ARE MINE!
gary: what if the REAL treasure is our friendsh-
dark lord: not now gary
New superhero: The Delegator
“This looks like a job for… Someone Else!”
Cat stuck in a tree? Have you tried placing a computer keyboard at the bottom?
my bf told me i have too many hats so i laid them all out and gently explained each one is a slightly different color and therefore warranted
Damn that is one huge cow. this is why I buy internet on flights. I almost saw that 6 hours after you guys did