@DearAuntAbby: It’s extremely difficult to search my tweets when I constantcessantly make up nonsensicalistic words and greatastic werges.
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@FrenulumBreve: [at the zoo] Llama spits in my face I spit in llamas face Llama slaps me I grab llamas hair Scuffle ensues Llamas gf shouts "leave it Gary!"
@_ElvishPresley_: judge: do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth me: no judge: [covers mic] what do I do
@deelizabeth_: Biden: So I got a bunch of balloons and when he gets here-- Obama: Joe, please Biden: --we're gonna rub them on his hair & see what happens
@TheHyyyype: TEACHER: That's the third time this week - please explain your tardiness ME: Well, it basically means that I've been late