It’s fine when farmers use souls of old plants 2 strengthen crops, but when I do it w/ ppl “I’m a witch” & “dear god she’s getting stronger”
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Job Posting: local pond looking to hire tadpole, must have previous experience as frog
Fact: the only way to stop eating chips and salsa is to be shot by a sniper
The movie ‘Up’ is utter bullshit. I tied 57,000 balloons to my house & my wife didn’t die.
Them: You have a choice-
Me: I’ll take the bad choice, please.
Meanwhile India is just blown away that you can get Britain to leave by voting
Me: My back molar’s really sensitive
Dentist: I’m not surprised, it’s covered in plaque
Me: *angrily shushing him* I said REALLY sensitive
Be the reason they create new laws.
8y/o: Do prisons have libraries?
Me: Yeah, usually.
8y/o: Yay! So I can still read when I’m in prison.