@TheMichaelRock: It’s funny how people rage in traffic on the way to work like they’ll be any happier once they get there.
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@danadonly: my friend: so the new person you’re dating is another white guy named matt whose parents pay his rent? me: yeah, but like, there’s something different about this one. narrator: there was in fact not anything different about this one.
@djdarrellripley: Me: Who are you and how did you get in here? Him: I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.
@Buffalojilll: Him: I'm leaving you Me: is it because I constantly misquote Shakespeare? Him: you compared me to a Summer's Eve™... Me: parting is such sweet and sour :(