I am only drinking 2 beers tonight, but in dog beers.
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“Seamstress, you come pleat me.”
Cop1:did u hear about the kidnapping?
Cop2: should we go help?
Cop1: No it’s ok he woke up.
This fall on CBS
“Good Cop, Dad Cop”
ME: I have to warn you, I’m the jealous type
WAITER: What would you folks like?
HER: I’ll have the s-
ME: WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY?!?
Me: Day 5,308. The search for intelligent life continues..
Coworker: You know we can hear you, right?
Me: Still no signs…
maybe my dad is at the other end of this cvs receipt
Damn you, Autocorrect !
Why do you keep changing a word
into something that makes no sense ?
You are the banner of my existence.
ROBIN: the batmobile won’t start
BATMAN: check the battery
ROBIN: what’s a tery
What’s your biggest weakness?
Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! Sorry about that. Questions, definitely questions.
[hits you in the face with newspaper]
“Sorry, I thought your eyebrows were caterpillars.”