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@meganamram: It's hard for me to commit when everyone I love is 70% water
@Cheeseboy22: FYI: Waterparks can't call it a "lazy river" if they make you get out to pee.
@mariokeyparty: Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you're really clingy and annoying
@Clint_Bing: Guy asked me today if I've ever owned a dog. I was like lmao yeah I own dogs all the time they can't even say shit back
@Fred_Delicious: [2 dogs eating dinner]
"u know Sharon, that life insurance policy u found me is great"
"why does this taste like chocolate"
@IncrediblyRich: Me. Every weekend.