@markhoppus

It’s here! May The Fourth Be With You!!

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@TheMossman82

Thanks for suggestions Coca Cola, but I only share my coke with Jack

@Adam14

When people say “Let’s not get off on the wrong foot here”, I reply “Please don’t get off on either of my feet”.

@English_Channel

genie: long time no see, ok, you have one wish left

Geppetto: I want a real boy

genie:??? what happened to the other 2 you wished for?

@touchmybobby

as a job-stealing immigrant, I now have 36 jobs and counting. I keep them in my basement like some kind of job dragon. what you gonna do

@lecalabara

Why does a billionaire need a Bat signal? He is in a cave. How does he even see the signal? Why won’t you just text him?

@djdarrellripley

Her: I was robbed! They took EVERYTHING except some wire coat hangers and my Justin Bieber CD.

Me: I wonder why they left the hangers?

@rantingmd

getting sick of watching movies where johnny depp dresses like a hobo. I blame him for russel brand

@TheAlexNevil

The Grammy performers prove that no matter age, sex, race, religion or looks, I have no idea who most them are.