@laurenduca

It’s hilarious that people still asking me to write for exposure. I died of exposure MONTHS AGO! My corpse is rotting on the Oregon Trail!!!

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@sarcasticmommy4

When a sales clerk asks if you need help with anything, this does not include kids.

I know this now.

@computerfact

humans: lets invent computers so they can do work for us and we can be free to see our families or write poems or whatever
also humans: actually if you dont have a job society will murder you it turns out

@McKelvie

How did you spend your dinner break, Jamie? Just drawing a reverse centaur so everyone can see how horrible they are

@LackOfShame

Turns out that the best way to find a flat head screw driver is to pretend to look for a phillips one.

@crunkdumpster

Give a man a fish and he’ll be like,
“Dude I’m allergic to fish.”
TEACH a man to fish and he’ll be like,
“THTOP I THAID IM ALLERGIC TO FITH”

@RealBobMortimer

When does the jogging end… surely they must be getting close to declaring a winner