@Jamberee13: It’s me lowering myself down like the upside down kiss scene in Spider-Man but to eat a croissant out of a bakery display
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@LurkAtHomeMom: A friend wanted to know what it’s like to be a mom, so I busted down her bathroom door while she was taking a shower so I could tell her that I’m thinking about changing the name of one of my stuffed animals.
@IvoryGazelle: healthy as a horse? they literally can't walk down the street without shitting themselves but sure, ok
@david8hughes: [mattress store] Me: bet u get a lot of losers asking which ones are piss proof huh Clerk: not really Me: what would u recommend to them tho