Why isn’t a fleet of helicopters just called hellacopters.
It’s me lowering myself down like the upside down kiss scene in Spider-Man but to eat a croissant out of a bakery display
You Might Also Like
My daughter asked me if I know how to do the Running Man, like my generation didn’t invent it. Anyway, that’s what brings me to the ER.
Best part about marriage?
NO MORE CONDOMS!!!
Worst part about marriage?
No more sex.
Walk up to the finest girl in the club and whisper, “excuse me, can I get at that outlet behind you hon?”
If I ever become a ghost, I sure hope they have some options other than pottery.
A manual RT is like saying “Hey check out this guy, but keep looking at my face. Please…don’t ever stop looking at my face…”
Girl: I like good boys
Me [trying to impress her]: *shapeshifts into a pack of smiley golden retrievers*
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words “wet and slippery” at work all day without anyone thinking I’m a big perv.
If you watch The Blindside backwards, Sandra Bullock becomes so disappointed in her black son that she abandons him on the side of the road.
If you read Twitter backwards it tells the story of humanity slowly getting smarter.