@TuffyNyC

It’s nice when my kitchen smells extra clean cause I used an entire bottle of Clorox to kill one ant.

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@ipalatsky

I prefer the term “quirky”, it sounds less diagnosable.

@TheTweetOfGod

Ancient cryptic thrice-translated self-contradictory texts are the best way to convey moral precepts.

@thetruealban

Flash floods in Arizona last night. We nominate California and Texas. #ALSIceBucketChallenge

@Reverend_Scott

Naming that space movie Gravity makes about as much sense as naming Jurassic Park something like There’s No Dinosaurs In This.

@HomeProbably

It’s almost as if they don’t know the first rule of carrying rolls of wrapping paper club is; always be prepared for a sword fight, officer.

@10InchesPlus

Shampoo is much more marketable than it’s original name, Shamshit.

@WheelTod

For most, bikini season lasts a few short summer months, but I catch enough & store them so efficiently I can eat bikini all year round.

@ObscureGent

Is it weird to think about naming my next cat Batman during sex?

Sir, I just serve coffee here. But no, it’s not weird. It’s fantastic!