Me: haha so yeah I just try to stay young at heart
My date, joking: lol isn’t that just another way of saying immature?
Me: *throwing spaghetti and Barbies at his head* NO IT DOESN’T SHUT UUUUUUUUUP
It’s not easy but it is possible to dance to Carry On Wayward Son by Kansas
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Hey to all the girls with more than one person in their picture you’re making this VERY DIFFICULT.
*scampers over to ice cream truck*
Yes, I’ll take the SpongeBob who looks like he just opened the Ark of the Covenant, please.
Friend: you go high, I’ll go low.
*friend tackles guy at waist*
*me, singing falsetto*
[giving mother in law my famous salad dressing recipe over the phone] 1 part vinegar, then *bites lip so I don’t laugh* 2 parts baking soda
Whenever I want my son to visit I tell him our dog keeps going in his old bedroom trying to find him.
[at the club]
Me: …everyone seemed to be just fine with Superman wearing red knee high boots
Her: Just take them off
Are you Chinese? Well, how about you?”
– Chinese Checkers
Ok No Loitering sign, let’s get one thing straight: the type of people who loiter are not the type of people who know what loitering means.
Never trust a woman sucking a candycane into a sword.