It’s not the holidays until I see two minivans with red noses lock antlers over a parking space at Target.

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Call me faithless, but I just can’t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.


Why doesn’t Ed have a girlfriend?

Cause Sheeran.


childrens alphabet books are the only thing keeping us from forgetting what a xylophone is


Dating tip: Men find mysterious woman alluring, so keep the spark alive by occasionally acting like a lunatic possessed by the devil.


After incorrectly spelling my symptoms at least 100 times, WebMD kicked back “Listen idiot, you’re drunk. Just go lay down”


[when my crystal pendant starts glowing eerily] hold on, i’d better take this


Quentin Tarantino + Johnny Depp = Rango Django


Went to a Halloween party at the zoo, the animals were dressed as sexy people.