@LizHackett

It’s not the holidays until I see two minivans with red noses lock antlers over a parking space at Target.

You Might Also Like

@K_Chapacabra

Call me faithless, but I just can’t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.

@Derpey

Why doesn’t Ed have a girlfriend?

Cause Sheeran.

@jedfudally

childrens alphabet books are the only thing keeping us from forgetting what a xylophone is

@thetigersez

Dating tip: Men find mysterious woman alluring, so keep the spark alive by occasionally acting like a lunatic possessed by the devil.

@Mr_Kapowski

After incorrectly spelling my symptoms at least 100 times, WebMD kicked back “Listen idiot, you’re drunk. Just go lay down”

@MavenofHonor

[when my crystal pendant starts glowing eerily] hold on, i’d better take this

@birbigs

Quentin Tarantino + Johnny Depp = Rango Django

@ShootyDoody

Went to a Halloween party at the zoo, the animals were dressed as sexy people.