The one closest to the sky is most likely to get eaten by the pterodactyl.
It’s not the holidays until I see two minivans with red noses lock antlers over a parking space at Target.
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Okay Canada. You’ve made your point.
Will you take winter back now?
That Scene in a Christopher Nolan Film Where You Give Up Trying to Follow the Plot
Don’t change, I hate you just the way you are.
If you stare in a mirror long enough and start screaming, you’ll see angry faces of figures dressed in orange.
*only works at Home Depot
[Jews being led out of Egypt]
Woman: *mumbles* 40 years? He couldn’t just stop & ask directions?
Moses: WHO SAID THAT? NO MANNA FOR YOU!
[dinner at my parents’]
my gf: thank you for having me
me: they’re not your parents weirdo
Show me on this doll where the bad man gave you a skewed perspective of a female body
A dog walks into a bar. Then a bank. Then the dry cleaners. This is a dog world. Way to be productive, dog. Try to do the bar last next time
*walks into door on street, looks around*
Whew…no one saw me…
One year later…
*sees self on Funniest Videos*