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@samalmightysam: "It's not you, it's me." -Twins looking at some family photos
@lilgapeach30: Did you mean pacific or specific?
Cuz seriously, one is an ocean.
@DeannaMarieRVA: I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex. he is a small arms dealer.
@PeaceInTruth1: Dogs have a tendency to bark just to hear themselves bark. Reminds me of some people I know.
@Karate_Horse: Me: [getting stabbed by criminal] buddy this seems illegal
@WhaJoTalkinBout: him, texting from the party: where did you go???
me, already home in bed: bathroom brb