@GhantaGuy: It's so annoying when you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them and they don't accept your friend request.
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@DrCephalopod: [doctor's office] Me: My eye hurts. Doctor: Okay. But first let's have you step up on this scale so we can see how fat you are.
@Parkerlawyer: My husband and I are co-counsel in trial today. We already had an argument about who would drive to the courthouse. This should be good.
@robfee: If u had Hitler & a guy who doesnt mute the keyboard on his iPhone in a room & could only kill one, would u give Hitler the dead guys phone?
@Mikecanrant: T Rex isnt so scary if you imagine a bunch of baby T Rexes watching Barney just giggling and rolling around on the ground playing with keys.