Many parents are faced with a daunting task during the quarantine: how to ground a child when we’re all grounded.
It’s so unfair in life you meet the adult equivalents of the bad kids from Charlie & the Chocolate Factory and you’re not allowed to murder them in various ironic ways.
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I drink coffee because I don’t think I would do well going to prison for murder.
wish there was an edit option when d atm shows ur account balance!
My husband thinks I’m overzealous with the cleaning, but a friend is coming over and she might look behind the couch. We don’t know.
All I’m saying is that if M&M’s poured out of a person after you stabbed them, I’d probably lose my moral compass very quickly.
Music – rock band
Jehovah’s Witness – knock band
Boats – dock band
Lip synched – mock band
Athletes – jock band
Safe cracker – lock band
Puppet – sock band
Clock maker – tock band
Chicken – b’gok band
Rooster – cock band
Most days I wish I were an octopus so I could slap 8 people at once.
Sorry I thought your older sister was your daughter and then made everyone else at the restaurant guess your age.
I haven’t swam competitively since I was a sperm.
I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me.
She calls me her sixty second lover.