@AndyAsAdjective

It’s that wonderful time of year again when the spiderwebs I’ve been too lazy to clean become functional decorations.

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@Fred_Delicious

Fun fact: Snakes don’t exist. They were made up by scientists in 1923 as a joke that went too far so they just kinda rolled with it

@heymonroe

Fun Prank
1.) Go to Yoga class
2.) Compliment some people on their mats
3.) Unroll 20×25 oriental rug.

@Ndeshi_M

My dad is Jamaican and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.

@IntrepidDeviant

You don’t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself

@LnL245

*walks into Forever 21*
*gets pulled aside*
Umm, we don’t really mean FOREVER.

@kcmoore51

[sanitation worker knocks at my door]

The amount of McDonald’s related trash we’re collecting from your home each week has us concerned.

@Mardigroan

Oh rental car. Oh rental car. Your gas tank is not on the side I thought.

@SimplySnaccbar

Waiter: what can I get you gentlemen

Friend: I’ll have a hamburger and he’ll have th-

Me: -dude I’m an adult I can order myself

Friend: okay sorry go ahead

Me: 69 orders of french fries please

@dundlewood

I didn’t think there’d be a sequel for “To Kill A Mockingbird.” I just assumed that they all lived Harper Lee ever after