Remember when you first started driving and everything was scary. Now you’re going 80, putting salsa on your taco, driving with your knees.
It’s that wonderful time of year again when the spiderwebs I’ve been too lazy to clean become functional decorations.
You Might Also Like
This is yr brain. This is yr brain on drugs. *turns page* This is yr brain on the beach at Cancun! Awwww, yr brain on yr honeymoon. *turns p
I don’t always have time to exercise. But when I do…I don’t.
funny that they call it a bell pepper, and yet the onion rings
Cleveland checks its makeup in the mirror, promises itself this time with LeBron won’t be like before.
Divorce Attorney: I can’t just write “irreconcilable differences” on the papers, can you be more specific?
Wife: Well latel-
Guy Who Brews His Own Beer: This situation reminds me of an excellent stout I mad-
Attorney: Ok, got it
*burger king manager pulls me aside on my first day working there* when they say hold the pickle you don’t have to physically hold it
I refuse to eat pound cake or go to yard sales. It’s metric system or gtfo.
Superman’s only weakness is the extremely rare Kryptonite that all his enemies have.
A study was just published that shark attacks happen most often in water. Now I have to worry about the ones that occur elsewhere.