My kids asked me how to spell desert and dessert so I told them to type it both ways and see what emojis pop up
It’s too bad you unfollowed me, I was about to propose.
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I would love to be British. Drinking my leaf water and staring at a huge clock from my red phone booth, adding extra letters to wourds.
HR: No. 1 asset u would bring to Verizon customer support?
Gary Numan is 13 days older than Gary Oldman. I don’t even know what to believe any more
Ghost: never eats, never sleeps, moans a lot
Vampire: sucks the life out of u
Werewolf: human w/ fits of howling
Child: all of the above
i would take so many bribes if i was a judge. half my shit would be bribes. take bribes from the criminals until theyre too poor to do crime
Me: Who had two thumbs and just had a bandsaw accident? This guy
Doctor: Which Guy?
PMS: Going to the dentist?
PMS: Gonna tell him what happened?
ME: *flashback of biting into an ice cream container*
Stretching and yawning at the same time might not look so sexy but it looks like you’re a Pokemon evolving so that’s cool.
you ever be washing a spoon and it wash u back?