Yeah, sure, I use made-up words sometimes. Does that make you
It’s weird that ‘coward’ doesn’t mean
“towards a cow”.
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Roses are red
Violets are blue
The way to a man’s heart is thru his stomach. At least that’s what the crazy woman with the butcher knife kept saying at the murder scene.
Jesus: … when you saw only one set of footprints, that’s when I was carrying you.
Me: What about that spot with lots of footprints?
Jesus: I didn’t want to alarm you, but I did also fight some ninjas who were stalking us.
When I go to Subway I always bring a pair of pants that are 10 times to big for me and high five all the workers.
Apparently it’s “against church policy” to drop your kids off in the nursery and then go to brunch.
About to go for a run, because shoplifting
Kate Middleton is 36 and just had her third royal baby.
I’m 36 and just had an almond I found in my sports bra.
Guess we’re both living the dream.
100 ways to reach me: 1.) Text Me. 2.) Call Me. 2.) E-Mail. 3.) FB …. 98.) Homing Pigeon. 99.) Signal Flares. 100.) Voice Mail
Seems like I can’t even sit on a park bench anymore without someone’s henchman sneaking by to swap briefcases