@Contwixt

It’s widely known that some members of a prison population become well-read and crafty with words.

Sometimes you can mix prose with cons.

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@rachaelkelly18

The lady at the bakery who draws her eyebrows on is looking extra surprised today

@quikkim

*Approaches a guy reading “Catch Me If You Can”*

I love that book. The way he just *clenches fist* catches all those freakin’ cans.

@AndrewNadeau0

GROOT: I am Groot.

TEACHER: I don’t know, can you?

GROOT: *Sigh* I am Groot.

TEACHER: Yes, you may.

@abbycohenwl

“It’s a banana in my pocket”
“May I remind the defendant that he’s under oath?”
*averts eyes*
“I’m glad to see you”

@jjhartinger

[First Date]

Him: And, how did you get here?

Me: My parents had sex.

@izaaking

wrestling movies: im sad and i have something to prove to my dad
actual wrestlers: my name is Nutbuster Mike and i dont care if i die