I’ve accepted that I’ll never know how that M+ button on a calculator works.

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Writing prompt: You will run out of money entirely in three months and your only skill is writing.


I’m not kidding Santa is waiting outside my house til it’s “late enough” to go down my chimney


jewelry making tip: a simple can of gold spraypaint can turn a chicken nugget into a gold nugget


1) My wife and I are fighting
2) My phone has an annoying ringtone whenever someone RTs me
3) My phone is in the room where she’s sleeping


From Our CEO
To Our Valued Customers

holy shit please come back we promise to start cleaning the bathroom


Wife: I’m making breakfast for dinner tonight. What do you want?
Me: Bacon.
Wife: And?
Me: *blank stare*
Wife: AND?
Me: A napkin?


If she calls me lazy again, I swear I’ll get off this couch and go take a nap in bed.


“I made myself feel better about my husband being a giant, irresponsible, adult child by imagining what it would be like if he were dead” is a weird flex but ok.


I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig…. Its not a beautiful poem, but its very deep.