@ThrillHicks

I’ve accepted that I’ll never know how that M+ button on a calculator works.

You Might Also Like

@sannewman

Writing prompt: You will run out of money entirely in three months and your only skill is writing.

@laurenlapkus

I’m not kidding Santa is waiting outside my house til it’s “late enough” to go down my chimney

@wolfpupy

jewelry making tip: a simple can of gold spraypaint can turn a chicken nugget into a gold nugget

@CoatCzech

1) My wife and I are fighting
2) My phone has an annoying ringtone whenever someone RTs me
3) My phone is in the room where she’s sleeping

@jakery

From Our CEO
To Our Valued Customers

holy shit please come back we promise to start cleaning the bathroom

@JWilsonGA

Wife: I’m making breakfast for dinner tonight. What do you want?
Me: Bacon.
Wife: And?
Me: *blank stare*
Wife: AND?
Me: A napkin?

@ericsshadow

If she calls me lazy again, I swear I’ll get off this couch and go take a nap in bed.

@jamieleefinch

“I made myself feel better about my husband being a giant, irresponsible, adult child by imagining what it would be like if he were dead” is a weird flex but ok.

@AntozWolf

I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig…. Its not a beautiful poem, but its very deep.