LOL: laughing out loud
SMH: shaking my head
LMAKNIWNFYSP: leave me alone kyle no i will not follow your SoundCloud page
I’ve always admired a man in a uniform who is soft, sweet and tender. I guess my perfect match is the Stay Puft Marshmellow man.
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WIDOW: i—i just cant believe he’s gone
ME: hey [putting my hand on her shoulder] u parked ur car directly behind mine so im stuck
We got two inches of snow last night and now I can’t find my Smart Car.
“Damn do you have a wizard wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? ;)”
*pulls wand from pocket*
“I haven’t been happy in years”
1ST MAN: I’m sorry, I-
1ST HORSE: It’s fine.
M: It’s just why BOTH walk? So I thoug-
H: I said it’s fine Gary, stop bringing it up!
[Bruce Willis on his deathbed]
Dr: Bruce this isn’t the time-
Bruce: Give me…a Viagra!
You see two puppies.
But they’re cannibal puppies!
One puppy eats the other!
Then he takes a nap.
Priest: And do you take me as your lawfully wedded wife?
Me: I do. WAIT A SECOND
Priest: TOO LATE. YOU’RE MINE NOW, IDIOT.
Body: so tired
Brain: can’t sleep
Body: okay then, let’s pee every 15 minutes
One Saturday morning at three,
A cheese monger’s shop in Paree.
Collapsed to the ground,
With a thunderous sound,
Leaving only a pile of de brie.
#Limerick #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes