I’m saving myself for marriage.
Sorry, FROM. Saving myself FROM marriage.
I’ve always wanted to buy 2 coffees, take them to a crime scene & while handing 1 to the officer in charge ask, “So, what do we have here?”
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I was killing this rap battle until I said orange.
ME: Ring ring. I gotta take this.
THEM: I just watched you say “ring ring.”
ME: Ring ring. Yeah, this is really important.
Feeling extremely smug after being the best at pulling over to let an ambulance pass
My 8yo wants to make her tween sister’s birthday cake. My tween is mad because she wants to make her own cake. I suggested she have 2 birthday cakes and now everyone is upset.
Apparently the solution to all life’s problems is not more cake.
Due to personal reasons I will be looking like shit until Christmas. After Christmas it will be due to other reasons.
Whenever I see WHOA spelled as WOAH, I assume it’s referring to Noah’s evil twin whose Ark housed all the insect and arachnid life.
I live in my parent’s basement so I had to dig a deeper basement for my kids to live in. In 20 generations we will reach the Earth’s core.
If hackers really wanted to scare us they would post all of our deleted selfies instead of stealing our financial info
J.K. Rowling: “Theres actually a goat with Harry Potter the entire time, its just never mentioned or does anything.”