I’ve been told I can be a bit condescending. That means I talk down to people.

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if i was a character in a horror movie i would try to finish whatever i’m eating before i die


“Welcome to another meeting of Horse Club. Let’s try to actually get something done today. All in favor?”

Crowd: “NEIGH!”

“Jesus Christ.”



y’all need jesus

*christmas ads start*

not like that


Grease (1978, musical)
A highschool girl wins happiness and the acceptance of her peers by changing who she is and taking up smoking.


BREAKING: Popeye Expresses Outrage as Pope Goes to Mount Olive


*guy looks around to see if anyone is looking*

*sees the coast is clear, licks tree*

And that’s how they found out about maple syrup


If someone’s mean to you, just lean in and whisper “I’m a Barbie girl in a Barbie world” to them & get that monstrosity stuck in their head.


A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with “I got the live bees you sent, they’ll do nicely”


In my day cartoons made sense. Chipmunks did all the rescue rangering and a rich duck swam in gold coins like they were water