I wrote out SOS with M&M’s
Five minutes later
I wrote out SO with peanut M&M’s
I’ve decided to donate my brain to science.
[years later, my brain is used to prop open the Science door]
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That show Scrubs is bullshit. Not one person in this hospital joined in my song and dance number.
Group- “Can believe Jesus just turned water into wine?!”
Me- *cutting up lines of table salt* “hey um, Jesus… soo can you do me a favor?”
learn to swear in every language by watching the world cup at your local bar
In Soviet Russia a bar walks into men. The case of the man-killing-bar remains unsolved.
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
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I had a cat and a Beta fish once. Then I left my apartment for a minute. After that I had a cat.
Why don’t they just get Jehovah’s Witnesses to deliver the mail?