@BlairLoudly: I've easily spent 12% of my life chuckling at my own jokes and being grossed out by my own body. Also, I like random percentages.
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@chuuew: [creation of snakes] GOD: What happened here? ANGEL: You said make them armless... GOD: Harmless! ANGEL: Ohhh SNAKE: YOU IDIOTS!
@handsock_butts: 6 year old: daddy look we've had a whirlpool in our house this whole time! Dad: for the love of god Timmy please get out of the toilet