An old boyfriend hearted my picture on Facebook instead of just liking it, so I was wondering what we should name our kids.
“Ive fallen ill with Coronavirus”
-everyone will think you don’t wash your hands
“I’ve been coronated”
-not as scary
-are you royalty?
-can I borrow your crown?
-you can’t probably marry a celebrity now
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[Beauty and the Beast, Tinder Edition]
BELLE: *swipes left*
This anger management class is pissing me off.
*being wrestled away from mall santa by security* u hav TWO WEEKS until deadline and ur out here doing PHOTO OPS?! WHOS DOINGE THE REAL WORK
I wish all tests were things you peed on
ME: oooh my back just cracked
5: mine too. WE’RE A CRACK FAMILY!!
My son just said there was too much cheese on his quesadilla. I don’t understand where I went wrong.
doc: so how are you feeling
doc: *phew* I hate to ruin a good mood
I don’t like it when restaurant servers ask “So what are you guys doing tonight?” because it makes me feel lame. THIS is what we’re doing, Kevin. Eating at Chili’s IS the event.
Me: Are the bowling trophies included?
Realtor: …no, they aren’t
Me: I’m not interested then