Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

@DanMentos

John: we need a new word for foolishness
Tom: How about johnfoolery lol
John: Ok that’s definitely what I’m writing down

@MsFoxIfUrNasty

[at gym]

*spends 45 minutes untangling headphones
*drops phone, squats to pick it up

Phew! Good workout!

*leaves

@SteveSuckington

[commercial for rakes]

“Are u tired of eating leaves?”

@FeralCrone

4yo son said the word prototype. When I asked him what it meant, he said “People are a prototype” and I was too scared to ask what he meant.

@NippleAdam

I’m gonna have my body cremated so I can have one last meltdown.

@WorkingMom86

Woo! Let’s get this weekend started!

*Starts doing laundry*

@gingerfaced

I’ve been hitting “remind me later” for about the last 4 years on Adobe.

@samalmightysam

I wanted to kill myself by drinking 100 beers, but when I finished my second one, I felt much better.

@notthat_1

Whenever someone talks to me, I freak out because I forget people can see me.

@Book_Krazy

A fun way to make someone self conscious, is to put a nose hair trimmer in their grocery cart while maintaing full eye contact with them.