ADHD is ADD in high definition.
I’VE GOT GOATLIKE SPEED & REFLEXES
“Don’t you mean catlike-”
BAAAH [Climbs on top of roof and begins eating shingles]
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My son is sick. His symptoms include; fever, headache, and no desire to play XBox. In other words…it’s very serious.
“discuss your ideas with the person next to you”
This lady cashier asked me if I wanted it “double bagged”…I said “No, you’re not THAT ugly…”
And that’s why I’m not allowed in Target.
Mrs: he’s too handsy, always touching me all over…
Mr: [who is an octopus] I CANT HELP IT LINDA IM LIKE 90% HANDS…
[drinks milk from carton]
WHY AREN’T YOU USING A GLASS?!?
“I went to the eye doctor”
What does that mean?
“He said I don’t need glasses”
People are so weird about ventriloquy my gyno hates it
Can you believe some cultures still communicate with clicky noises or primitive hieroglyphs?
*clicks keyboard furiously*
*adds 17 emojis*
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name “fire place”