@Kyle_Lippert
@Smooheed
I imagine dinner would almost be cooked by now if I’d remembered to put it in the oven
– a memoir
You Might Also Like
@Smooheed
@Jandalize
Why don’t we raise more chickens that lay Cadbury Creme Eggs so we can have them year-round?
@SadieSmithRoks
You can learn a lot about a man based on how he responds to a bird pooping on him.
Also background checks and digging thru his trash.
@CheryeDavis
Don’t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza….
@spark_asis
I don’t get why someone would want the house in a divorce.
“your honor, I’d like to keep the building where my soul was sucked dry.”
@Cyd10e
Ladies, if Men had PMS they’d get into fist fights, defraud partners, start wars, abuse women, stop paying child support..HEY-wait a minute!
@Sean_Burgundy_
It’s so frustrating when your hitman doesn’t answer the phone after you’ve made amends with someone
@daddydoubts
My toddler kept asking for uncle hall and I’m like dude we don’t have an uncle hall in our family. Turns out he was asking for ALCOHOL so I was all dude you’re just 3yo so would you rather beer or wine?
@envydatropic
I’m more BYOTP than BYOB these days.
@TheBigBatman
Wife left a note on the fridge it says “It’s not working, gone to my mom’s” I opened it and opened a beer, it’s cold, the fridge works fine?