All this forehead and I still can’t remember shit
I’ve just seen my doctor quickly close the Wikipedia page for ‘bones’
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Him: What’s your sign?
Here are 5 things you should know about me:
1. I’m very secretive
All generalizations are stupid.
I have this awesome app that shows me what I would look like as a fat person. It’s called Camera.
ANGEL: bad jokes are not allowed in heaven
ANGEL: that means absolutely no puns
*clouds turn to fire*
How would you describe your time management skills?
Me: Can we talk about this later? I’m late for an appointment.
Him: What’re you doing
Me: Watching a chicken strip
H: Why don’t you just eat it
M: BECAUSE SHE’S BUSY DANCING, TODD
*seductively mows lawn to Careless Whisper*
Of course this is the year I bring my famous Romaine pie to my in-laws.