@Dutch_50

I’ve never made eggplant before. Is it better fried or scrambled?

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@LurkAtHomeMom

Every vote counts! Unless you forget to post your I voted sticker on Facebook, those ballots get thrown into an incinerator.

@SarcasticSadOne

Body: we’re exhausted. We’re going to fall asleep so easily.

Brain: you adorable idiot.

@YoungFunE

Bought the ‘Sounds of the Rainforest’ cd, not as relaxing as I hoped. The 1st half was birds chirping, rest was chainsaws and bulldozers

@Jonesy_donkey

Not sure if my toddler goes to daycare or a disease-of-the-month club

@dreamthievin

If I have 5 apples and I give you 2 of them, just take the other 3 cause I’m going out for tacos

@UnFitz

Her: You’ve changed.

Chameleon: Jesus, Karen, not this again.

@ABurgerADay

Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it’s a small soft drink.

@Brocklesnitch

dating again after you break up with a long term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again except with less health

@tastefactory

Power went out in my office building & a maintenance guy said Transformers blew. Um yeah it was a bad movie buddy now what about the power??