BATMAN: Who the hell are you?
MANBAT: Who the hell are YOU?
BATMAN: I’m Batman. A man who dresses like a bat.
MANBAT: I’m Manbat. A bat who dresses like a man.
BATBAT: Who the hell are you two?
I’ve never owned a pair of spanx that didn’t eventually own me.
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7: I need a pet pig so I can always have bacon.
Me: There are some fundamental flaws in your plan but I like the way you think.
For a quiet ride, buckle the empty seatbelt beside a child and tell them not to wake up the ghost.
Somewhere out there, there must be a toddler who has eaten all of their dinner after only being asked once. I want to believe.
“There will be snacks.” – someone successfully convincing me to do anything
Just made a voodoo doll of myself that I’m about to beat some sense into.
15: what do you risk becoming from taking drugs….
15: what do you risk becoming from smoking cigarettes…
15: what smacked you in the face last night?
Me: …go to your room
BOSS: OK! Who smashed a hole through the wall?!
[Everyone in the office stares at me, even the Kool-Aid man]
FRIEND: if i buy a giant iguana will people respect me?
FRIEND: they’d stop making fun of my ponytail
ME: they’d pretty much have to
“How much for this melted ghost?”
Sir that’s a bed sheet
“You have a lot of them! And they’re packaged? IS THIS GHOST HELL”
This is a Macys