@sandyserena___

I’ve never related to a meme more in my life #gradschool

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@TheRealRHB

As my friend Joe’s last wish I had him cremated and sprinkled his ashes into the coffee pots at work..all morning everyone had a cup of Joe

@zoevsuniverse

Me: How many chicken nuggets do you want tonight?
7yo: 100
Me: As a guide, you usually have 4-6
7yo (thinking): 30

@chuuew

I’m not sure if this snake is trying to ask me a question or if he’s just eaten a candy cane.

@DiamondLou69

It’s amazing how fast the first 30 minutes of work just fly by when you show up a half hour late for work.

@Tommytoughstuff

Do you think Dracula ever forgets his coffin is shut and sits up and hits his head?

@McKnightyBoo

My 17yo pretends he doesn’t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry

Congrats, you’re finally a man

@Darlainky

My husband told me I’d better stock up on my wine in case we get quarantined. Maybe he really does still care about me.

@Brianhopecomedy

My 4 year old loves wrestling with the family. He’s Hulk Hogan, I’m The Rock and our 1 year old is the folding chair.

@joemcshutup

Taylor Swift told Vanity Fair she’s not a “clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend” through various voicemails and texts at 3 AM

@hansabumsadaisy

#rubbishjokes
Noah’s diary – 39th day:

“The dragon pie was really scrumptious.”