I’m thinking of a color between 1 and 10. Correct guessers get a lollipop.
I’ve never wanted to know the answer to anything bad enough to ask a question at the end of a meeting that’s running 15 minutes over time.
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Really not sure what’s all the fuss about the Queen’s #Nazi salute, everyone knows ‘Scissors Beat Paper’
did you read dr seuss as a kid because green eggs and damn
me: oh god this is gonna sound weird but would you mind pretending to be my girlfriend when my friends turn up so they don’t think I’m a pathetic loser
[My cooking show]
Me: Today we’ll be roasting a pig. Kevin, come on up.
Spider Man, Spider Man
Chillin’ in his camper van
Kickin’ back, drinkin’ booze
head to toe in sweet tattoos
That is not Spider Man
her: *gets on knees*
me: oh yeah
her: *goes down to all fours*
me: oh yeah
her: *bends over backwards, crawls around the room and screeches praises to The Dark One*
me: oh no
*aliens come to earth to steal our water*
*aliens running out of store with like fifteen evian bottles they didn’t pay for*
sorry to bodyshame, but ferrets have no business being that long
You gotta know when to hold em
Know when to fold em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run
This concludes your parenting course.