no matter how many years they’ve been practicing, a bagpipe player always sounds like they started learning that day
I’ve not been into the office since March, but I can still smell the boiled eggs my coworker ate at lunch on that last day.
You Might Also Like
Satan why do u have pitchfork? Lotta hay in hell is there? Ok idiot
thinking about eating a lot of candy. which i have obtained legaly, through the trick or treat system, for many years
Today from 9 to 10 AM we are having an all-hands family seminar on how to replace an empty toilet paper roll.
I’m not scared I’ll end up in an asylum after a breakdown. I’m scared someone will record it on their phone and I’ll end up on a GIF.
I only sleep with my laptop so that if I ever get a boyfriend I’ll be used to sharing the bed
[points at crying baby]
I used to be just like you, and no, it doesn’t get better.
GUY: Do you want to play fantasy baseball?
ME: Okay, I’m a pitcher with gills
Jesus: Same time next week guys?
*they all nod*
Judas: I’ll book a table for 12
Jesus: you mean 13
Judas: yeah..13, I meant 13
I’ve seen such a change in myself this past year. I’ve really grown a lot. I need bigger pants