@Shot_Of_Cabo

I’ve seen cartons of cigs with less filters, boo.

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@JordanFoisy

In the future the only two jobs left are Uber driver and escape room planner.

@just1fool

Who, me? Oh, just living the dream. You know, that one where you forget to wear clothes to work.

@ThatBrenna

I lick all the grapes at the grocery store. It’s romantic. Some stranger is going home with my kisses on their grapes.

@SteveSuckington

I consider anything that doesn’t fit in the dishwasher to be for one time use.

@LittleMissAngr1

Of all my sins, I do gluttony the best. I am also pretty good at coveting my neighbour’s wife.

@sass_n_ass

No thanks, Winter Olympics. If I wanted to see a bunch of white people playing in the snow, I’d hop on over to Facebook.

@DonovanConvery

If I had the power to time travel, I would mostly just use it to stop past me from eating stuff from the fridge that I’d like to eat now.

@Pork_Chop_Hair

Me: *clapping enthusiastically*

You: an actual strobe light would be more effective for the dance party, tho