@1followernodad

I’ve started replacing “yes” with “sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti.”

You Might Also Like

@drinksmcgee

The clerk at the art supply store just told me they have a “Monet back guarantee”…

I’ve never wanted to hit someone more in my life.

@turtledumplin

Me: I don’t know how to dance to this kind of music

Beer: yes you do

@hippieswordfish

lobster christian grey: ‘my tastes are very…..singular’

*opens closet door revealing hundreds of rubber bands*

@ToskaXxx

I just want a stalker that will power wash my deck while I’m at work

@christinaloca

Shout out to the little teapot song for making it okay to be short & stout.

@funnybeachgirl

Just saw a Fiat & a Mini Cooper get into a head on collision. It was horrible… there was glitter everywhere.

@noxxhell

Finally getting around to shaving my legs, blow drying them kept taking to long.

@JoParkerBear

Finishing a book is like saying goodbye to an old friend. Finishing a show you binge-watched is like staggering out of a motel where you’ve been holed up for 24 hours with someone you met while trying to score crack.

@lilgapeach30

I dance in my car, unashamed, in hopes of one day driving beside somebody as fun as me and sparking a dance off.

@House_Feminist

I know things are hard right now but I find comfort in the way we all quietly began using scrunchies again