Me: I’m not saying I hate your voice, but when you start talking, I understand the way dogs feel about fireworks. *howls*
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*first day as a hair stylist
“STOP SCREAMING ABOUT THE BLOOD! THAT’S WHY WE PUT THE APRON ON YOU!”
*Hits Rock Bottom*
Dwayne Johnson: I have a boyfriend.
Adulthood is like the part in The Wizard of Oz where Dorothy tries to runaway from her problems, but then SURPRISE, there is also a tornado.
HER: I’d really like to have sextuplets
ME: Oh wow, me too!
ME: Yeah, but why did you call me “tuplets”?
HER: I want you to make me scream
ME: *tosses spider onto her chest*
here’s my dating advice. Take your date to go-karts. everyone loves go-karts. I just solved your life. you’re welcome
I touch myself when I think of you.
It’s a facepalm, but I am thinking of you.
911: What’s your emergency?
Me: Do you think I’m pretty
If i had to guess, i would guess that the number one search word on Bing is Google.